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I don't have many role models. I certainly looked up to some people, or I admired them or their work. But as for role models all I really had were my parents. Today, one of my role models is Rear Admiral Grace Hopper. One of the main forces behind COBOL. She also coined the term compiler (although the actual first compiled language is a matter of some debate). Most people know Grandma COBOL as being (one of many) highly influential women who pioneered tech. On August 19th, 1982, she gave a one and a half hour talk at the William F. Friedman Memorial Auditorium, and it is one of my favorite talks of all time. She talks about the fast pace of technology, computer systems (very novel at the time), our need for better cybersecurity, the value of data, the importance of abstractions and interface, her thoughts on leadership, and so much more. All the while her talk is littered with some of my favorite anecdotes and jokes of any computer talk. The talk really brings to life not just her technical brilliance, but also her excellent leadership, her communication, and her fantastic sense of humor. I've put together some of my favorite clips, but I encourage you to check out the original footage, which comes in two parts; part one and part two.

I decided to spend some time cutting together the two parts to take my clips from, so you don't have to be interrupted halfway through watching or bothered by the slight audio change across reels. You can find the full length talk I cut together here.

The Clips

And now, my favorite clips. I opted for more verbose quotes for those who can't watch the whole clips. Feel free to chop them down and put them on motivational cards or something.

Rear Admiral Grace Hopper Will Haunt You

I think the saddest phrase I ever hear in a computer installation is that horrible one: "But we've always done it that way." That's a forbidden phrase in my office. To emphasize the fact I keep a clock which operates entirely counterclockwise. Now the first day people meet it they can't tell time. By the second day, they discover what used to be ten of is now ten after, they can tell time again. Normally it's not until the third day that they recognize that there was never any reason why clocks should run clockwise. That could just as well of run counterclockwise. There's no reason for the hands to go by the digits. I have another clock that has a pointer and the digits go 'round on a drum; tells perfectly good time. Of course by now I have a digital clock. And my helpful crew gave me an hour glass. But they sit there day in and day out and say "never, never, never, in this office say: 'but we've always done it that way'." Now when it comes to carousels at airports, I can see a good reason why they run this way [makes counterclockwise motion]. That's because most people are right handed and that's the way you grab your bag. I still haven't found out why helicopter rotors go the way they do. But I find it rather interesting that the "we've always done it this way" seems to be so much embedded in things. And it's the most dangerous phrase you can use in a computer installation. So, hopefully, I'll give each one of you very small gift. I will promise you something. If, during the next twelve months, any one of you says "but we've always done it that way," I will instantly materialize beside you and I will haunt you for twenty-four hours. And see if I can get you to think again. And I know it works; I've already had over seventy letters thanking me for haunting people.

Ask for forgiveness, not permission

I long ago discovered - of course you don't all have the same advantage I have - but I long ago discovered that the best way to get something done was to do it. And if necessary apologize. It's much easier to apologize. You have no idea; "oh gee, I didn't know I couldn't do that." I can turn into the most helpless old female you ever saw.

The Nanosecond Talk

I have to explain something about myself: I'm an extraordinarily annoying employee. I normally drive all of my bosses totally nuts, because I won't do anything until I understand what I've been told to do. So when you tell me to do something I start asking questions until I get a clear picture of what I've been told to do. Well they told me that first computer was adding in milliseconds. So now I naturally said, "what's a millisecond?" Well they told me it's a thousandth of a second, and I had a problem immediately. I could see a second go by on the clock, but darned if I could see a thousandth of it. So I said "please show me a millisecond." And nobody, but nobody, would show me a millisecond. Time went on with me still fussing, until somebody stuck a finger on one of my programs and said: "Hey you wasted three- five microseconds." And I said "so what? What's a microsecond?" Well they told me it was millionth of a second. And again I had a problem. In the first place, I didn't know what a million of anything was. The biggest check I'd ever seen was less than a thousand dollars. I didn't know what a million was! And if I didn't know what a million was, I didn't know what a millionth was. And I fussed and fumed. I wanted to know what a microsecond was. I got nowhere. Pretty soon over in the engineering building, they started talking about circuits that act in nanoseconds; billionths of a second. Well that really had me on the ropes. Because in the first place, I didn't know what a billion was, I don't think most of those guys up in Washington do either! And if you don't know what a billion is, how on Earth do you know what a billionth is? I fussed and fumed. Finally one morning in total desperation I called over to the engineering building and I said, "please cut off a nanosecond and send it over to me." And I brought you some today [pulls out a length of wire] Now what I wanted when I asked for a nanosecond was - I wanted a piece of wire, which would represent the maximum distance that electricity could travel in a billionth of a second. Of course it wouldn't really be through wire, it would be out in space at the velocity of light. So if you start at the velocity of light and use your friendly computer, you discover that a nanosecond is eleven point eight inches long; the maximum limiting distance that electricity can travel in a billionth of a second. Well I was real happy with my nanosecond. I looked at it from all angles, I thought about it. I looked at wall switches and counted the distance. Some of those lights went on and "gee these must have taking a couple thousand nanoseconds." Finally at the of about a week I call back and said "look, I need something to compare this to. Could I please have a microsecond?" I've only got one microsecond so I can't give you each one. [pulls out a spool of wire] There's a microsecond. Nine hundred and eighty four feet. I sometimes think we ought to hang one over every programmer's desk, so they'll know exactly what they're throwing away when they throw away a microsecond. I hope you all get some of these nanoseconds. I've got lots of them with me. They're absolutely marvelous for explaining to wives and children and... admirals and generals and people. And you may find yourself in a spot where you have to explain why two pieces of equipment have to be close together; or explain to an admiral why it takes so damn long to send a message by satellite. [begins mimicking a hand-over-fist motion with the nanosecond wire] "because there are an awful lot of nanosec-" it's very effective, they'll believe you. So you may need a nanosecond and I hope you get some. I hope you'll feel free to use this demonstration if you need it. There's only one thing you have to be careful about if you're gonna use the demonstration. Normally, I put these in my overnight bag and check it. One day I put 'em in my shoulder bag and went down to National Airport. And it took me twenty minutes to explain nanoseconds and microseconds before I could board an airplane. So if you've got 'em around with you be sure to check 'em. I've got lots of nanoseconds here. I bet you didn't know that nanoseconds come in different colors, but they do. But I said I wanted to add in three hundred picoseconds. Now a picosecond is a thousandth of a nanosecond. The best way to make picoseconds is get one of those big pepper grinders and you can make picoseconds all over the table. Three hundred picoseconds is going to be third of a nanosecond. And there's my problem. I haven't got enough distance to get from this adder to this adder, put the two together, and put the answer back. I'm beginning to push the velocity of light. Now Dr. Einstein very carefully explained to us that when matter obtains the velocity of light, matter turns into energy. It goes poof. And of course I'm perfectly willing to admit that our bright young engineers are going to get beyond the velocity of light - they're going over into that anti-universe where they have white-holes and talk to all the quarks and leptons and gluons and everybody else - but not in the next five years. And I need that computer before then. So what am I going to do? Well I could use my common sense. Except that seems to be the last thing we ever use in connection with computers. Well if I can't use common sense, maybe I can use history. Back in 1976 we got well accustomed to looking at early history. Let's try that: Now back in the early days of this country - when they moved heavy objects around - they didn't have any caterpillar tractors, they didn't have any big cranes. They used oxen. And when they got a great big log on the ground, and one ox couldn't budge the darn thing, they did not try to grow a bigger ox. They used two oxen. And I think they're trying to tell us something. When we need greater computer power, the answer is not get a bigger computer, it's get another computer. Which of course is what common sense would have told us to begin with.

It's not stealing if it's not bolted down

Well finally they retired me on 31 December, '66. Thanks to our highly automated pension system I got my first pension check on the first of April. Two weeks later I got a call from the pentagon: "Come down to Washington, we want to talk to you." So I came a running, as I always do when the Navy sends for me. I had to wait in Mr. Ream's outer office. There were two captains there. Naturally, since I was only a commander, I spoke to them very pleasantly and respectfully. However, inadvertently, I managed to tell those two men "my, aren't the captains young nowadays." One of them turned out to be my new commanding officer so I started on the right foot. Mr. Ream took one look at me and said "the Navy payroll has been written eight hundred and twenty three times, this has got to stop." So naturally I said "yes, sir." It ended up he asked me to return to active duty with the job of standardizing the high-level languages and getting the whole Navy to use them. And I noticed how the first half of that job was finite, the second was infinite. But I'd be very glad to make a start on it. And so I reported on the first of August 1967, on six month's temporary active duty. And so far it is the longest six months I have ever spent in my entire life. As for navy personnel, they gave me two Navy men, DP-3's, a civilian, and a secretary. An office on the fifth deck of the Pentagon (that's the attic, slant roof, escalators go to the fourth deck and you hike to the fifth). They gave us each a desk and a chair and a pad and a pencil. "Standardize the high-level languages, start with COBOL." No cards, no tapes, no computer, and no budget. Well since I was initiating a new Navy activity, the first thing I did was go out and buy a coffee urn. The second thing I did was teach my new crew the things the Chief had taught me during World War Two. And I'd like to assure you that our new Navy men and women are just as good as any World War Two man ever was; it only took them two weeks to completely furnish the office. The only day we nearly got in trouble - they turned up with a coffee table like they have down in the secretary's office - and the captain took one look at it and said "where'd you get that?" I remembered what to do: I just stood perfectly straight and said "Captain, it wasn't bolted down." So, um, that became one of our mottos: "If it isn't bolted down, bring it home." In fact we did so well that the junior officers at NAVCOSSACT eventually gave us our own flag. It's a beautiful nylon boat flag with grommets and everything, on a pole beside my desk, and it's a skull and crossbones. And to the best of my knowledge we were the only office ever in the entire Pentagon to openly fly the Jolly Roger and operate under its aegis. Of course I also taught my crew that when we go out to get something, always liberate from the Air Force first, because they have everything and don't know how much they've got. Second, if you can't get it that way, try the Army because they have almost everything and they can't count. And it's no use trying to liberate anything from the Seabees or the Marines because they liberated it to begin with. We survived, one way or another, on no budget.

Aside: "Mr. Ream" refers to Special Assistant to the Secretary of the Navy for Automatic Data Procession, Norman Ream. [Citation] [Obituary].

Aside: NAVCOSSACT stands for Naval Command and Systems Support Activity.

On Leadership

Somewhere in the last 30 years, we lost that word "leadership". We went overboard for management, partly under the influence of Mr. McNamara, partly under the business schools. We concentrated on this quarter's bottom line, and this year's fitness reports. We forgot to look ahead for the next five years for any enterprise. And we lost that concept of leadership. Loyalty up and loyalty down. It's the one thing those youngsters are looking for. You can't do it all by management. If I had a Marine standing here, what he would say would be: "When the going gets rough, you cannot manage a man into combat. You must lead him." And I think he would further add: "You manage things. You lead people." We need to bring that back, very badly. Not only in the armed forces, but in all of government, throughout business and industry. It's the one thing that those youngsters are really looking for; good, positive, leadership.